“Happy Birthday.”
“Thank you, please send family support, not greeting.”
“You don’t want best wishes?”
“How would your greeting put food on the table or money in my account?”
“Am I your employer, the government or a bank?”
“Lol, calm down, someone cannot play with you? Your Niger Delta blood is too hot.”
“Don’t blame me, my friend. Only wanted to be certain the handshake wasn’t extending to the elbow.”
“Haha, let the handshake even cross river Niger. Meanwhile, I have received birthday greetings from three banks today.”
“That is good; they know their customer.”
“If I hear! Lol. It is automated. Please they should improve on their products and services.”
“How do you mean?”
“I am not deceived by birthday messages, they don’t really care about us. Let me tell you a story to buttress my point.”
“There you go, you know I love a good story, though I hope it is not another beer parlour story.”
“Do you want to hear my story or not?”
“Please go ahead.”
“During the height of the pandemic, an acquaintance of mine received the following message from his Nigerian bank: ‘We are in this together.’ The message cracked me up. He couldn’t understand why I found it funny. It was hilarious because if the bank was truly in it with him, as they claimed, why didn’t they credit him with a little token as palliative? Or even freeze his loan interests payment for a couple of months as support.
Many businesses were affected during the lockdown, especially those in the hospitality sector. This man’s business was one of them. He struggled to make the monthly loan repayments. During this period, he defaulted once and hell hath no fury than this bank. He got hounded daily with incessant phone calls. Luckily, he found a way to sort the payment out.”
“That is really sad. No way to treat a customer. However, you know some customers can be funny.”
“Please, the way some banks treat their customers will make you not want to bank with them. Forget the fancy adverts and pretty young women they recruit as marketers.”
“Please leave the pretty marketers alone, some customers are not complaining.”
“You too like woman, haha. Why is it that when some banks want your money to meet their targets, they will send pretty women to you and when they want to recover their loans, they send area boys in suits?”
“Lol, how verifiable is your claim, or is this from hearsay?”
“Don’t get me started on the banks, please. How many of them are supporting small businesses? What are their interest rates, what about those funny charges.”
“Well, you have to also consider the operating environment too.”
“My friend, leave these banks and their slogans, can we bank on them for support and excellent service?”
“Na you sabi.”
